"Living Life Metaphorically, a journey to waking up" Available on Amazon
"Living Life Metaphorically, a journey to waking up" Available on Amazon
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I dreamt of a dark grey, wet room stood many figures in a circle. In the middle of the circle was a dark hole that opened up into a wormhole. All the figures were cloaked in robes, one side in red and the other side in black. I came into the scene from above and then found myself in the circle myself. I was able to pick up on the feelings of the man standing next to me, he was looking straight ahead in fear of the other side of the circle, I could hear him crying inside and out. I looked around the circle again, as a thought passed through my mind, “I know what is going on here.” One of the cloaked figures, across from me, looked up sharply and gazed at me intensely with anger. He was grey in color with the black dark eyes that really did spill out evil. I listened as the man next to me cried more, and as I looked full circle they pushed him and all the others into the middle of the circle. I remember a moment of chaos and fight and flight feeling take over me in haziness as I escaped the scene.
End of dream
I dreamt very vividly one night. I was in another space ship, climbing through the innards of the ship trying to escape something that was following me. A feeling of urgency and to always be a step ahead, I ran confidently. While I am going through the shafts, I have a feeling that there is a friend or partner with me, but always behind me as a shadow in support. While I was escaping in the ship, I went too far and found myself on the outskirts of the ship floating away slowly into depths of the glass bubble that was around the ship. As I floated out and came to the end of the glass frame, I put my hand out, scared and feeling unreal, I touched the glass with my hand. I felt vulnerable and lost in the ocean of space. In that moment, the man was floating with me and held me close and I saw our bodies floating from above.
End of dream.
I wanted a spiritual moment bigger then the others I have had, but I underestimated what this would be like. After 2 or 3 hits of DMT, I felt my reality slip out of my body and go into darkness. In this darkness, I could only feel the world around me. I felt my friends in the room, as they sat next to my body, life felt like a bowl of spaghetti-this is the best way I can describe the feeling. We were all mixed in together In a bowl of life full of feelings and weirdness all one. Then I remember a huge wall of light existing in the darkness, as I became closer to this wall of light, it was pulling me in and I remember feeling a little afraid. I battled it out with this wall, ultimately I did not pass through..I wish I would have. Looking back at it now, that wall was the veil into my inner consciousness and maybe, I have been battling with it for the past decade since then.
Everything was blank, lost inside myself, I was searching for clarity and to come alive. Come alive? I could hear the world around me, but I could not see it. Voices and movements around me, and I am unable to exist within it. Within myself, I battled and argued with the subconsciousness that refused to allow me to wake and depart the realm of my inner consciousness, knowing that tragic love story within myself and understanding why it was. And there, in the darkness, I felt the movement of the world around me. Pulling me, looking for me, and wanting me to wake up; i heard a familiar voice tell me it’s okay and that I just need to wake up. The voice? It was the image of good health, I saw glimpses of her face, and I trusted her. She, represented the worldly and metaphorical image of mental health, and when I heard her voice, I knew, which reality to wake. She lead the way and has always showed me.
“Wake up, it will be okay.”
As I began to come about my wits and body again, I felt the life around me. Curiously, I watched and absorbed what was about me and why it was. I saw the turmoil and the good, I saw the functions of all as well as my own. I saw that the world wasn’t really mine, even though I am here and meant to be within it, I always felt astray. I felt my existence, and I felt my breath and meaning. I knew, I was here to go against the normal. What is normal? Something I would never be, because great things, don’t come in normal packaging. To be different in a world that I cannot always feel, this is, something I will actively try to understand and analyse. And so then, I find myself falling back into my own self.
I see light and clarity, I see the understandings of all the things I have absorbed. I see the makings of my creator and his works of good and bad, and then I see you. Who are you? You are myself, portrayed in the image I lack. You are the inner workings of my mind that call me in and seek my attention always. In the most intimate moments of my existence, you are there. Holding me when I am afraid and lost, with me when I am pushing forward with strength and courage. Always in silent support and moments of comfort in the depths of the ocean. As I see you in the happy, love and losses of my life; you of course are me. Like an ocean of separation, we always find each other in the middle of life and death. As I absorb and live this life, I will always be one foot down and one foot above, as I was meant to be.
I dreamt that I was sitting in my bedroom talking to myself. I was telling myself that I was worried I wasn’t good enough to problem solve some of the stuff I was worried about (I remember the details of those worries but leave them out). She smiled at me, in her loving enlightened glow, and we walked to the bathroom together and looked into my large mirror in unison, and I remember feeling bonded and complete and I looked at myself and fixed my hair and then turned to my other self and fixed her hair a little bit.
End of dream
Last night, I fell into the middle of a conversation with a man. All I could see were our faces. His face was hard to figure out and I felt comfortable but a little lost for words. He held my face up close to his and he told me that my face will always change; and with his hand he covered my face to show only my blue eyes and he said, “your eyes will always be the same and I will recognize you.” With an intense feeling of love, I blushed and the dream was over.
In the stillness, I came to you. The light glowing through the entryway, I walked through the barrier confidently with a question on my mind. Knowing that things would appear differently, I didn’t expect anything but a connection and answer. The room was tall, white and empty, this room is the solace of my mind. Here, I am able to connect back to my resources and find myself at my most inner moments.
As I walked across the bright floor, I looked up at an infinite amount of space above- you appeared to me silently, waiting to hear my thoughts. I looked up, feeling frustrated and content…Deep down, I knew, that I knew the answers I sought out; but I needed help connecting back to them. I then looked up at you, confused with the emotions of the world that clung to me, and ready to release myself to the answers that will guide me forward. You held your hand out, and I reached mine out, ready for what was to come next.
I found myself in a green pasture, lingering on the edge of time. This space was not my mine but yours. And in this moment, I relaxed and felt everything of the world far gone behind me. For a Moment, I forgot why I came. As I looked around the vastness of your space and how peaceful it was, I thought I could stay here forever. Then you looked at me again and we connected into conversation. I asked you why it was that I kept finding myself stuck, and the meaning of my intention on being where I was. You smiled, knowing that I couldn’t remember my own words and promises. You reached your hand out and touched my forehead, and in that moment, a flash of memory came to my mind, and I came back to life. I found myself standing amongst my peers, all glowing above like the heavens and ready to bear their impressions on the existence of the world. We all carried the same passion for life and readiness to love and serve. And so, I felt complete in my answer and ready to come back to my own.
And there I was, alone in the room. The light glowing bright and beyond there, the dark space of reality and the world I exist in. I came back into the moments of life, ready to push forward in courage and love. Knowing that all things are truly possible and I will not fear, for I am made in the image of you.
Easing into the silence, I have one thing on my mind…and so, I look for you. Closing my eyes, I start to feel the world around me as I settle into the lifeline that threads around all realities. Each, in their own skin, until they awaken their senses into the universal reality and body within. Here, I find myself alive, seeking knowledge of universal understanding of myself and the world around; and in the middle of all the beautifully layered chaos, I find my destination.
Standing on the edge, you look up at me, waiting peacefully and perfect. In all the realities of the universe, this is where I prefer to be the most..on the outskirts of time and space with you. Where everything is paused, and I know that no matter what happens before or after, we will always be one thought of different filters. For even in reality, we can only coexist if we can understand the universe within. And so, we live our lives. Separated for the moment, but together in understanding that death will always bring us back into existence. For the life we live, will always separate the human mind and be unkind. For in death, we are all alive; and in life, we are in the death of light.
When I cam back to my body, it felt foreign. An experience far beyond my reach, intense in the fine points of reality…everything was different and yet, connected as the same. I felt things I had never felt before. The friends around me, the room was gone, but yet their streams of existence were intertwined with mine all while holding their own identity- as we worked as one. In reality- I was gone from my body, as they held me up in health, I held my soul up existence of understanding. The body and soul work together as a team, but the soul flies freely without the other…and so, my soul soared. Feeling all the moments of the universe and life, my life, and how it worked with the universe. And so I found myself at a moment of conflict, in all the universal perfections…there are many imperfections. And then, the moment of intensity was gone, and I was slipping back down into my body again..after all I had seen and all I wanted to know…there was so much more…and here I go. Breathing again, feeling stuck in the breath as I struggle to remember my bodily functions of living and how the room around me began to come back together into one. I was not alone, but with my friends. And so, in reality I became closed in, that I began to miss what it felt within.
Last night I had a dream that I was talking to someone. when I looked down at my right hand, I had noticed a slither of skin that was opened and I saw something like a blue stone underneath. So I pulled the stone out to find a smooth blue marble from one of my childhood games and a sense of curiosity and happiness. When I woke up, I knew I needed to commit that dream to memory and that it was a gift from my subconsciousness encouraging me to continue on a certain path.
End dream.
I was back at my old church and there were a lot of people, but I was looking at the library towards the back and not talking to anyone. I recognized a few books on alchemy i that I did not realize my church had on the shelves (the author of this book basically started a cult or new religion based off of spiritual alchemy.) Then I looked across the room, and I see my grandmother across the room sitting down as she had just arrived, I felt anxious to go to her and say hi like a child, but then I looked up and saw my old pastor. I asked him about the books instead, and pointed out a specific book to him.
I am at my grandparents old house and it’s a bit blurry, the house turns into a different house, almost like a confusing sky scrapper that leads into a different place. My grandmother is there again, this time I get to interact with her and tell her I love her.
Next dream, I am walking along a large cliff, almost on an island and the weather is getting bad. I feel like I am going to higher ground to stay safe. As we are walking, I look up and I see several skinny and long tornadoes coming up to my right side. I get scared as I realize I cannot get away and I just have to hold tight to the sharp side of the mountain. I remember the pain of my arm holding onto the rock ledge and the feeling of being afraid, it went by fast and I remember after it was gone thinking it wasn’t that bad.
End dream.
I remember acknowledging dark (no lights on) ufo going across the sky at night, and someone kept saying my name loudly and I thought it was my mother-in-law at first, but it was coming from the sky. I remember looking up and having a short but hasty conversation with the sky and the person next to me thought I was crazy.
One dream, I was with my husband and we were looking at my violin and then he showed me a second violin that was circular, odd ,old and way out of tune, he said that was mine too, but I didn’t remember purchasing It or owning it.
In the quickness of movement, I found myself looking out at the darkness of the room, I was not familiar with where my guides had taken me. Feeling unnerved, I looked around my surroundings, everything was foreign, it was silent and I saw you. I saw your soul stuck and lingering. Looking up at me confused and curious, you were asleep, but I saw you staring back up at me, half way hovering over your body. You asked for a hand and so, I held my hand out and pulled you up. In these moments, we knew that reality was not with us anymore, and so we soared freely as we always wanted to be.
This dream I had was of importance, in the sense of finding some inner healing. Some light background: There was a boy I had very strong feelings for as a child for years and years. He had always rejected my feelings and this created a physical face to the feeling of rejection in my subconsciousness. For years, rejection would show it’s face to me, representing things in my daily life that made me feel rejected.
Last night I dreamt that I was in my kitchen and I stepped on something sharp, my foot was really hurting but I couldn’t figure out what I stepped on. Then I remember all of a sudden with some haziness, I was in conversation with the face of rejection. I remember being reluctant and having a lot of mixed feelings come to surface, he sat there in front of me and apologized and asked if I would talk to him. So we talked, I remember telling him how I felt and how it is something I need to let go emotionally, I told him I even deleted him from my Facebook account because it was hard to see him, and not in a loving way, but just it was weird. We laughed about that, and we started walking forward together and one of us grabbed the others hand and we walked into the light.
End of dream.
I dreamt that I was talking to my childhood pastor, someone I still keep up with as of recently, and I was asking questions about demons and a few other questions. He asked me why I wanted to know? I remember responding that I wanted to understand the workings and why they do what they do. He asked me another question, “what happened June 29,2019?” I looked at him confused and repeated the date out loud, I admitted that I have a bad memory and wouldn’t be able to remember that date. The next thing, he snapped his fingers and demanded that I remember. He told me was that I was possessed that day. I remember getting upset and defensive, confused and in disbelief, I said I would never let that happen. He then told me to wake up.
End of dream
While I am I getting the same message that I am ill from subconsciousness, this took over in many layered ways. I asked god to show me the clarity that my mind and soul were looking for, in all the world knowledge and readings, I was hitting a wall I did not understand. And then, I saw that the imbalance given to me at birth, was shared with everyone, and that our subconsciousness and consciousness are the inner workings of finding unison with oneself and all this madness, had many demons. The demons challenged my wit at every corner, they told me that god gave me up long ago. The demons told me that people will say I have gone mad, and that all the greatest minds of the worlds have struggled to share this full concept in their fields of interests and some have even gone mad. And my reply, I will find a way and I am not afraid, try as you will.
So I had a Moment to myself, and asked why the demons? The demons are mine, as well as the worlds creations. Inner and outer. The ones on the inside, Our my own creations and obsessions and fears, which I will easily battle first. The outer demons, were society, and the way we all influence the good and bad outcomes of it. How this clarity made me cry because I realized the world is mentally ill and imbalanced with it subconsciousness and god himself. This is easily concluded now with actual words. But I felt it all and understood.
It it was a message sent in every good and bad way. I danced around my mind and understood the tragic love story of the consciousness and subconsciousness and the beauty we will all have once we can find our clarity as a single understanding of why.
I dreamt that I was with someone, a man that I loved, but I do not recall him as anyone I know in daytime. I was changing a lot, physically. I cannot remember all the details but The dream was long and I remember feeling love and change. There was a level of intimacy with the man, and a need to be together as a whole unit. We where going through some sort of event together and there was a feeling of needing to do something to keep us safe. The next thing I knew I was inside of him, and he knew I was there and kept me safe. He told me that I needed to travel up into his subconsciousness where I would reside. I remember thinking that this made sense and then there was a feeling of darkness’s the bottom of his feet. I was in a dark void and traveling upward at a very high speed. I remember approaching the eurphircal space above and embraced for impact as I hit a bright white light that I penetrated like an explosion and became one within. I remember feeling at peace and happy that I was able to accomplish what I did.
I fell asleep with a question on my mind, why does mankind need a savior and why are there so many that compete for the divinity? Looking as Christ as a god energy… I dreamt. I dreamt many odd themed dreams. One dream I was unknowingly pregnant and my nipples were leaking milk, I remember being a little surprised. The second dream I was in the car with my husband, and we had to tell one of our friends that one of the relatives had passed away, and it was not something we wanted to deliver and it was not received to well. The third dream, God paused the chain of dreams and spoke to me. I couldn’t see him, I heard his words in the quietness of my dreams. He repeated my motto back at me, seek and ye shall find, and then he told me I found him and he had me. I woke up, repeating the motto to myself and the response he gave me,
Swimming in a pool of nostalgia, I am alone, exploring the memories of old times. Floating in the water, lights glowing from under and the night sky glowing bright with stars scattered all over. I look up while I float into the darkness of each constellation. You meet me here, you meet me here every time, and for some reason I am always surprised or just excited, as I already know I was going to see you here again.
Sitting at the edge of the pool in your plastic chair, you smile at me and watch me float around on my back as I wonder at the night sky. You have always been my best friend since I was a child, she comes out when you are around. As I look up at you, I see you and I fill up with love for you. My grandmother, my soul sister. Something inside us both is special, and I knew I would find you here, following my memories of you. Silently looking above, I start talking, as I swim to the edge of the pool and look up at you in wonder and exploring conversation topics,you are always so full of information and love.
Drifting in the water and lights aglow, I see you and talk with you, and I enjoy these moments the most with you. It reminds me of my childhood, and my teenage years, and my astral years. I love you and thank you for never leaving my side. As every time I have to go, I tell you I don’t want to. You smile at me, and tell me you will find me again.
Why do you appear, again, in my dreams, it is because you apart of me. Not in the way of 1+1=2, but in the way of a half and half make a whole; and so, I see you always in my masculine side. The part of me that I reconnect with when I am needing this from my inner being. You. Always was you and I won’t forget that part of me. And so, I look deep within and ask you, why? Knowing my past state of dreams, thoughts and experiences, why now do you appear after a year and show this message? The one where we are both looking at your back, and see the unfinished tattoo of your light being state of duality, the one where you feel I need to fill in real life now. Why demand this of me, because you see my struggle and want better for me?
Paused in the middle of my dream states, I am always in control or allow the uncontrolled states of free flow. And so, in my own way, I control my own dreamland and can see my own insights in the path of stories, history, emotional connections…and yes, even pause time itself and go deep within myself lucid dream and skip along finding the realm I want- with only a thought, and those thoughts are alive. In one moment, I can think of something and allow it to happen. To be there, or to be deep within. And so, I control the power of my dreams and sleep..I am always in love with the idea of being whimsically, my own kind of strange reality. In the controlling aspects of my own thoughts and dreams and spiritual connections, I am truly free. Like god, made in his image, humans are the most beautiful as we are the emotional expressions of the good and the bad. And so we are free, to move freely around our own realities and existences based off of our own reality and emotions.
Looking around, I realized I was no longer in a normal dreamland phase. Something was going on around me, the sky was dark and red and the earth was feeling chaotic with everyone in an uproar of panic. Someone was with me, I was not able to see who it was, I never looked at him as we watched the sky. I pointed up as I saw aliens walking high above us and the sun was dark and in its own eclipse, what was going on? So many things came to my memory, I looked up at my partner, grabbed his hand and watched as the eclipse physically moved in duality and I could see new earth behind it. It was very strange. As I came spiraling back down from the scene- I woke up. I was not sure what I was really looking at, but deep down I had a feeling it has to do with the upcoming changes of mass awakening.
Sadness and confusion had been seeping in again, looking for clarity I have been creeping around my own inner existence and quiet places. I sense the energy and presence of some around me, but I pay no attention and keep this veil of confusion and sadness swept around me like a cocoon. As you watch from the other side, you try to make connection with me and send the smell and sensation of sweet roses my way.
In the depths of my shadows, I have been organizing the realms within and the emotions tied up in the space. Somewhere in here, you appeared quickly and proudly, finding me in the caves of my own mind. Looking down and focused on my tasks at hand I felt the space change as you came rushing at me playfully and bit my neck. An odd way to say hello, but you made your presence known. The metaphysical body was quite impressive as I sensed your wings and true identity of something unique.
In my active lucid dream space, I find myself creating and writing. Typing out my thoughts that sit on the air before me, I fill in the space with the most magical scene and ideas that flow right through me. Looking over what I had written, I decide to copy and paste with the magic of my hands and pull the words nicely off the air and into a dark turquoise box. As I close the box up, I pull the strings together and send it up into the air and out of my Lucid state of mind and into the astral realm to you.
Sitting in the silence of old memories and places, this place was always full of love; and now, I exist in the in-between of life and death of something that has been. Wondering about in my own solitude, I walked around slowly and reflected on the space I was looking at, and the space it had once been. Something is missing now, life. As dreamland deteriorates the beautiful home into gloom and rags, I continue to walk around looking for something to salvage. Sensing that there isn’t much left, I sink into my own sadness and ponder on what to do next…deep down I think I may just stay here and start cleaning up. As I aimlessly clean the space around me, I see the dirty old pool through the windows and just stop what I am doing to look at it. Emptiness and loneliness, I am aware I am in dreamland and maybe staying here wouldn’t be all that bad. As I prepared my grandparent’s old torn-up house for me to stay, I see you appear before me. Looking at me directly and ignoring the space, you are looking to connect with me, as I wonder if you are real or just my imagination, you unbutton your shirt and show me your skin and chest, a moment of telepathy and realize this is really your higher self. Looking up at you glowing with your shirt off, I am full of some deep sadness and fear. You smile at me quietly, without a word and you tell me it will be okay and then we sat together on the bench, in front of the dirty sliding glass doors, and looked at the old dirty pool that once held life. You grabbed my hand and walked me into a fuzzy scene that I cannot recall.
My guides had been hard at work, showing me and teaching me my extra senses, and allowing time to practice demonstrations in dreamland. As the night progressed, I wandered into my own imagination and the mechanics of it. I saw a door, that I had approached and wondered at. The door was dark, the energy around it was all dark and red. The moment I opened the door, the energy and imagination twisted out for control and the reality took me over and for a moment I felt the magnetized pull of warped reality, I pulled away from it and closed the door. I saw that deep down, I was consciously right about inward and outward possession and how we have parts of our minds we cannot always access until we allow our consciousness to fully sleep and release into the subconscious. That in the deep of sleep, I didn’t hold fear, but curiosity at my mechanism of imagination inwardly and outwardly…as well as how it can be seen throughout history.
Meditating into my imagination, I found you in your zone and matched your energy. Coming at me in motion, you tackled me playfully and we fell to the ground wrapped up into each other for a moment. You looked at me and in your momentum of happiness, you asked me what I was up to and why I had come to you in this time, as you really didn’t mind. Naturally looking into a feeling, I wasn’t really sure why I snapped here in the first place, but I felt the connection of curiosity and need.
In moments of pivoting and readjusting, I look toward the light. Going inwards I see the clarity of a figure coming to mind with an image of symbolism by his side. As the vision of his higher self appeared, and with him, my own higher self’s image at his feet lounging about in creativity in a long white sheer robe. Together they held their stamina of own strength, next to the other in unison. I thought it quite beautifully complete in strength, whimsically mystical on their own and full of oneness together.
Lingering in the moment, I snap back to the memory of the message from the night before. A friend of mine appears to me and shows me a scroll she has in her hands. As she unravels it, she explains to me that I was right to play the messages backward. As I looked at the paper messages before me backward, they made sense to us. As I continued to look further, the words rearranged themselves in several layers of messages quite clearly. I struggle to remember them now awake, but I do see the vision of text is saved in my mind.
Following along the dreamland scenes, I come across one that struck me lucid. Laying on the couch, as I was walking in by the scene….I see my youngest son’s dead body lying on hallway couch of green. Such an odd scene of symbolism, I stopped and looked at his face and felt unattached and also very concerned. What the meaning was, I was not sure but as I connected to some emotions, I sat next to him and held his body in my arms and kissed his sweet face and allowed myself to feel the moment for the dream. The next day, I awake to a beautiful day, the dream lingering on my mind as my dog died in my arms of a heart attack, I held his sweet body in love and gratitude.
Looking into a scene, I have been here many times before. Cleaning up the family mess of generations alone, I see my siblings walk into the old house and help me clean. The grey and black walls built up high and deep, the basement driven in family grief, the pool empty and full of grime, the tree line and creek covered in debris, and the bedrooms empty with childhood belongings collecting dust of memories of old. We come together and we clean it back into the life it once was, for the future we desire. In moments of history, we have been fighting the line of our family, together we can fix it.
The lessons swirl around me, phasing in and out of dreamland scenes. Moments of running away and confusion as I leap into the next scene, only to find the fuzzy scenes replay again. A face appears before me of old, and I feel the emotions phase in and out from anger to love and so on. Confused at the symbolic messages play over again, I swirl around to another face of an old friend. Confusion, then anger, then love as I feel the emotions phase over quickly into the patterns of something familiar. His face leaning into mine, he kisses me softly and sends me off into another dream. Looking over my shoulders, I turn around and see my husband. The emotions take wind and I feel the anger and disappointment, confusion and a sense of trust and relief as I hug him. Moments unfold and the dreams phase into another. My dad is before me, the feelings take over in some form of confusion as we sit there, in the moment, and get along…a small token of empathy and understanding.
In the darkness of imagination, I walked up to the old house and explored the ruins of the inside. Wildly once beautiful, now just decayed wooden beams and broken interior. I felt a presence, and so I continued upward slowly exploring each room and looking for something familiar. Reaching towards the attic door, I ascended into the darkness and stagnant air of silence, you were there on the floor. As I tried to stay, I realized that I could not wake you. Laying on the floor next to you, I held your stiff body as you continued looking straight up at the ceiling, unaware of me by your side. Looking at your face, I realize you were not going to wake up and that I needed to go. Holding on a minute longer, I whispered in your ear before descending down the stairs and out of the scene. I saw your spiritual state of sight, and I knew there was nothing I could do to save you.
Imagination pulling me, I sense the flow and go naturally. Looking inwards, the walls are dark and full of color as the piano plays the tune in the background. Melodically slow and deep, whimsical in play, I exist in the moments as I continue to explore. Whirling around in curiosity, I stop in a place that catches my eye again, wonderment as I cross over the tones and explore through the door. Lingering for a moment, I catch myself as I breathe deep and know that I may push myself out. The inner child of it all, the child within. Hiding in her locked closet, not from my family anymore, but from myself. Moments of shyness and insecurities, she was the magic behind the imagination and the inspiration to it all along. The bird behind the walls, the one I ripped through all the cupboards, houses, hallways and spaces for…lost in religion and school. My authenticity, and the girl behind the woman. She is the melody that sings, the whispers that call my name, in all the beautiful moments of clarity and oneness, sensing the mystery of the child has been the third eye I needed to my imagination and authenticity. May it be some mystery, that as a child I saw and looked for my higher self, today I am my higher self and had been looking for my youth all along and so on.
Sinking into the realms, the lights absorb me and pull me in. Moments of clarity, I walk through the entryway of bright light. The room of solitude and wisdom, the space between me and my astral realms. Pillars of white crystals standing tall, the symbolism of growth and spiritual connection. I am not alone here today, many have come to my courtroom of existence. Looking upwards, I see them above me sitting in a row glowing in unison of true pure light. They are the council of souls and the universal flow, spiritual growth. Walking towards the middle of the floor, my guides stand next to me in support and I sense a few friends around me as well. Words unfold and the wisdom pours out, as I am evaluated and encouraged to keep on my path of enlightenment. Words of concern and worry, my guide speaks up on my behalf and expresses that I can make the jump. The jump? They agree that I came here for a mission, and they didn’t want to see me fail. Holding on tight, I’m swirled back through the colors as the fuzzy realty returns back and my eyes are covered again.
Familiar space again, the towers that I dread. The moments as we move our family in, and my husband insists to live on the top floor. I remember expressing my wishes and fears of the top floor and not wanting to be up so high, he argues against me, and we all ascend upwards. The glass exterior elevator speeds quickly upwards, as dread begins to fill me, and I refuse to open my eyes. Fear and anxiety stun me, as the unreal moment of having to get off the elevator and make an awkward step over a gapping space that goes far down. My legs don’t work well, and my husband rushes me and says everything is fine. The kids run excited to explore and I am holding onto the rail kind of suggesting that we should all go back down to the ground. The building is swaying back and forth so much so that its swirls us back and forth in the motions and makes it hard to stand and find balance. My fear and anxiety are kicking in gear more now, as I watch my children go with the flow and find the danger quite amusing. I grab onto my youngest son and look for my oldest to try and get us close to a pillar we can hold onto. My husband is sitting on a couch that randomly happens to be the only piece of furniture in the space, and he’s just watching tv. One big swoosh of wind and the tower swings us onto the balcony, fear really kicks in as I hold onto the rail with my kids and look down at the ground far below. Who the hell would live here? I watched as my oldest falls off the balcony, then bounces back into the scene like a video game character. One-by-one the boys fall, and I watch them over-and-over again as I try to find the balance to move to the ground. I follow along the walls and the sways of the wind, I make it to the outside elevator, scared as I am, I feel there is no way I can make the jump and get back to the elevator to get down. My kids in my arms, I close my eyes in these unreal sensations of holding my fear face-to-face, I jump! My feet land on the ground, I feel a huge sense of emotions rush through me…as I look up people on the ground are clapping their hands and are proud of me.
Walking through the grey and entering the familiar spaces where I grew up, I noticed that I appeared back into my bedroom. Looking out the window, I scan the old homes, buildings and the park I grew up playing in. I sense the change as I look around my room and my dogs are with me now, each one happy and playing around on the property and scenes of my imagination. Following the cues, I realize my inner child has brought us here, mixed feelings of what to expect, I continue to just explore a little bit. Standing on the end of the windowsill, I allow myself to fall out of the window and hit the ground. Looking at the sky from the ground up, I stand up and start to walk around the block and into the park. Passing the old businesses and sensing a few people setting up booths for the festival that appeared to be going on at some point. I take a lap around and notice the nostalgia lingering in the dim faded colors of the scene. I feel I have been here long enough and decided it was time to start leaving town. I am walking on the main road out of town, I notice a negative energy following me. When I finally make it to the corner gas station right on the edge of the town limit, I see my two dogs playing outside of the gas station and so I walk to them and gather them up and take them with me. I noticed that my smaller dog was torn up badly, I was very upset and scooped him up and started rushing out of town faster. As I was carrying him, I realized I was getting very weak, and I was also very shredded up as well now. My skin was sliced open and hanging on many sides and angles, I kept trying to walk but everything was going dark and I could no longer see. I asked my guide to help me and check out my wounds, he was very upset to see me in this condition and shocked to have noticed that I was not only ripped up with skin hanging off of me, but someone shot me many times. As he looked at me, he said thank god I got the extra insurance on your voice. Oddly enough, I felt happy he was there and that everything would be okay.
The Phone light flickered and got my attention, looking back on the previous scene, I go towards my phone and look at the message. Surprised to see someone who had once been close to me, she reaches out with a message I cannot recall. A feeling of curiosity wraps me into connection with her and we are able to share some sort of moment of clarity and justice.
Looking through the phases of the sleep realms, I am visited by an identity who chooses to wear many faces that bring up many emotions. Masculine in their traits, they also hold love and connection, loss and dis attachments. Feelings of warmth and love of lessons, what is the meaning for all the exposure to the lessons that built up the walls? The walls, maybe that deep down I sense, I have built the walls up high enough to block out even my own inner identities of love. As he smiled at me with a face of discontent and emotions of warm love, he leaned in and kissed me with the symbolic messages.
Energy on my fingertips, warps around my body as I feel your energy wrap around mine in motion. Energies align, as I play around in mine and allow the motion to freely take form into the air around. Movements come together as I feel your arms next to mine and mimic the flow, bring some collaboration of twin union. Your energy matching mine, we create some form of dual energy that makes us more balanced. As I watch my aura move around me and off my fingertips, I sense yours as well and I know there is so much ore to explore from here.
Moments of mediation, a conversation long over waited. My guides and I laughing and exploring as I finally see the mindset shift. Ideas of wonder and humor, collaboration and growth. Moments pull open as others ask to join in moments of congratulations and wishing me well on my next phase. Letting the space open, moments became strong as I felt the night sky and stars absorb me. Internal aspects that left me meditating in space with my fellow alien friends. One who had gifted me with the moment of hope, one who draped a lion's coat over me, and one who gave me the gift of the stars-a crown chakra in the image of a golden circle above my head. Moments paused, as I saw myself through rose lenses and how I sat in strength amongst the stars.
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